I keep thinking of The Destroyer of Worlds. That’s me… well okay it’s actually a character named Leneia from Stargate SG1 and it’s probably and exaggeration to call myself a destroyer of worlds. I’m The Destroyer of Birthdays and other such celebrations.
On Monday night my mother-in-law called to see if we could do something for hubby’s birthday. It wasn’t to be anything big, we’re busy and he doesn’t like birthdays. She hoped Thursday night but I wouldn’t have even asked him to miss Thursday karate again, he hasn’t been for three or four weeks due to family dinners and friend’s going away dinners. I said Saturday afternoon or Wednesday night might be possible. So Saturday afternoon was decided upon. We got home from bible study last night and there was a message on the answering machine from his mum. I only caught a bit of what it said, I thought I heard the word “Nana” and that “Mama’s coming”. Hubby looked very sad and has barely spoken since. I think it’s because he didn’t like birthdays before and now we’re so busy. Normally he would say before bed “I’m going to bed now.” and before we leave in the morning “We should go in a few minutes.” Even these little things weren’t said and I feel horrible. He seems so stressed; we have work and things on everyday then on Saturday we have set-up for study camp, birthday afternoon tea, which is apparently getting bigger by the minute and then my friend’s 21st and then I’m off to camp on Sunday morning.
I’ve been thinking about presents and activities to make his birthday enjoyable for months. He never knows what he wants or what he wants to do, maybe it’s because he really doesn’t want to do anything and now we have one of those packed full weekends that he doesn’t cope with at the best of times. I’m actually crying because I feel so bad and have no idea how to make it better. I think I should just stop trying because I screw it up.
Last night I couldn’t sleep because I felt terrible. It reminded me of Christmas, possibly in 2000, things had been so busy, it had been a terrible year. Mum had had breast cancer, I’d been depressed, we struggled with money. It came to Christmas and we distributed the presents under the tree and I got a beautiful teddy bear that I’d been admiring in the shop that we really couldn’t afford as well as pyjamas and chocolate and stuff. Then there were no more presents under the tree and mum didn’t have anything. She and Dad had been discussing buying a barbecue for Christmas so he didn’t buy something else and I don’t know how Justin and I didn’t buy anything, maybe because someone else had always organised us since we didn’t actually have an income of our own. It was horrible, mum couldn’t help bursting into tears, even though there wasn’t anything she really wanted or needed it was like in the most difficult year of our lives we’d forgotten her.
Awwww… I’m so sorry you are going throug this! This should be a happy time!! Maybe you should do something like plan a romantic quiet weekend for him, or just something relaxing, that way he won’t feel so stressed. I hope it turns out okay for you all!