My friend was dating a boy for quite some time. They broke up a little while ago and she has come to the realisation that he brought out the worst in her. It made me think about me and my hubby. He always tries to bring out the best in me. Sometimes it seems like he’s trying to change or improve me which is always condemned in movies and the like. People expect you to love someone as they are. As it turns out he does both at the same time. He can see that I can be a more amazing woman and tries to help me to be that. When I find it too difficult to be who I think I should be and do what I think I should be doing I get upset and angry and feel like I am disappointing myself and him. At those times it turns out that he loves me just as I am and it seems that he can’t help it. Even though a lot of the time I am an emotional mess he loves me through all of it and is proud of me when I do well and achieve good things.
Sometimes I wonder if I was as emotional before we were together as I am now. I think I have concluded I was. I remember long periods of crying myself to sleep, being angry, feeling like the only person that understood me was my cat. One time at school I repeatedly punched metal lockers until a teacher made me stop, he wasn’t at all concerned about why I would do such a thing, my hand was swollen and bruised for at least a week. Now that I’m with my hubby he is here to comfort me and see me cry and wonder why. It’s not that I cry more than I used to, it’s that he is here and affected by it, he is sad for me, he hates feeling useless (he is far from useless) so I am more aware that I’m upset a lot because someone else remembers it too. I hope that one day I won’t be as sensitive. I hope one day that some of the things I am so sensitive to will not be so prevalent in my life.