Who cares if it’s raining or pouring? It all comes from the same place.

This sucks! I was going to come in, write a quick post and go to bed. I was driving home and looked at the clock; 1:24, “Hmmm,” I thought to myself, “I haven’t been home this late in a while.” Hubby is away until tomorrow night – it’s the first night he’s been away and I’ve been at home. Might I add that the goodbye I got was entirely insufficient. He was totally preoccupied with packing and the computer and I know it’s only one night but I’m sensitive and I want some damned attention and love! Over a year we’ve been married, he hasn’t noticed yet?!

After Fully SIC (youth group I lead at) we drove Jo and Sam home ’cause their parents couldn’t come due to younger siblings being in bed. That was all fine. I went to Hezza’s place afterwards with some people and we got pizza and watched a movie. That was all good. I came home with the aforementioned idea and turned my computer on, sitting in front of it a note that read “I spilt OJ in the kitchen, but didn’t have time to fully clean up. Can you mop? Thanks!”

I think “Great, okay, fine.” I walk into the kitchen and it stinks! It’s 1:30am which means this orange juice has been on the floor for about seven hours now! There’s still a square of paper towel there, soaking up OJ, that’s nearly dried and stuck to the floor. I start to look for the bucket. I walk into the laundry, it’s not on the floor, it’s not at the bottom of the cupboard – okay where is it? I walk into the kitchen, no it’s not in there; I look in the cupboard under the sink, it’s not there. By this time I’m starting to stress out, I try to get onto the balcony, the door won’t open, I’m latching and unlatching the door trying to get it to open, I’ve already taken one bolt out, turns out the other bolt is in too – the one we never bolt. The bucket isn’t out there either. “Maybe it’s in the garage.” I think to myself. “I hope it’s not in the garage.” I think to myself. I notice that there’s a cupboard under the laundry sink that I’ve never opened. There’s the bucket! A perfectly reasonable place to put it, I just had no idea that such a place existed in our flat! I’ve avoided tears so far despite the quick building frustration as I remember the quick, distracted kiss goodbye that I got and try to look for the darn bucket. As I mop the floor I think to myself, “Don’t ever say I’m not a good wife! I should get a present for this.” Also, “At least this is a good reason to mop the kitchen floor, which – lets be honest – is a job well overdue.”

While I was mopping I found a big chunk of glass from that time I broke a mustard jar. I rinsed out the bucket and thought that I should empty the bin because it was full – stuffed full of rubbish plus all the paper towel used to mop up the floor (at least I know he tried to mop up the floor, I think all the towel is gone). So I took the bag out of the bin and it started dripping all over me. Yes that’s correct, there was a hole in the bottom of the bag, the OJ had drained from the paper towels at the top, through all the rubbish collecting dirt and stench, pooled at the bottom of the bin and dripped on me and the freshly mopped floor. That was it! Too much for me – I was gone. I started bawling. I had to put the bag in another two bags before I thought I was safe. I looked down at the bin and the dirty orange pool of muck and started to wail – I couldn’t put a new bag in there. So I rinsed it and threw it in the sink with the orange juice bottle that is still sitting in there – I don’t know why or what to do with it. I walked away and wailed, and cried and bawled and wondered why I’m such a mess when he’s not here.

I went into the bathroom to wash my hands and started gagging over the sink at the thought of the mucky orange juice in the bottom of the bin. The smell is still lingering, I don’t know if it’s because it’s on my or just in the air. I put my clothes in the washing basket already so it’s not them.

Still crying, I came to my computer and saw I had four emails. One from my brother telling me to take him off my bloggerpalooza list because he’s not going to be blogging anymore. He said he doesn’t have any more to say and that he’s sorry that I put hard work into making him a header but he’s not going to be using it now. He’s saved the template in case he comes back to it later. This did make me sad, I kind of really liked that my little brother had joined me in the blogosphere. So that added a few more tears to much already gushing ones. What I don’t get is that he said things like “it is just too risky… I just don’t think it’s safe” what does that mean? He also said that if I’m the only one who reads his blog then he might as well just talk to me. He’s only been doing it long enough to write 18 posts! I also know that Hezza reads his blog as well, we were talking about it today. These things take time, if you want them to happen.

I got two emails on my other account, one from BE, my rent bid has been denied again! What is this? No one, wants me! The other was a response to the bible issue being discussed here which I’m really not in a state of mind to read at the moment.

I started to write this post with many tears in my eyes (quite difficult – can’t see the keyboard) and I guess it has been therapeutic because I’m not crying now. I’m not happy either though, perhaps some sleep will be good, I hate going to bed sad and by myself – this sucks the pus.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t blame my hubby for spilling orange juice and making the whole flat smell yucky and stressing me out. I really am working on the not getting angry thing. I think I’m starting with trying not to get angry directly at him, I’m not even angry, just extremely upset. It was an accident and I can be trusted to clean up and perform such duties, I guess some prior warning would have been good – why wouldn’t I be out partying late if he wasn’t going to be here? I also want to apologise greatly for the enormous hypocrisy that occurred yesterday when I was at home on the computer and hubby was at work and started to download something and then told me the network was going to be slow and I got really annoyed because I was using the network and would have liked the warning before he started sucking up bandwidth. Then that evening I started to send and email with two mp3s attached! It took forever – I actually cancelled it because it was only up to 30%. I’m really sorry! I truly didn’t realise it would take so long, I know email isn’t that speedy but I was naive. I actually feel so guilty, I’m gonna start crying again because I forgot to apologise to him before he went to sleep last night and now he isn’t here for me to tell him and he might have even forgot about it by now but I’m really sorry. Hypocrisy is not a thing I do a lot – it’s a horrible thing to do, I should not take advantage of his patience with me by doing the exact same things that piss me off.